Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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