i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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