i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
