I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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