is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
