i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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