Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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