Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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