So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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