She announced her abortion via fbk
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
