when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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