There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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