The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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