well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
