Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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