we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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