Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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