Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
