I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
