Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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