I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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