It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
