Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
