the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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