This house was built for laser tag.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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