I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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