come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
