Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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