White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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