thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
