Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
