i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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