you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
