I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
