i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
