i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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