Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
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she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
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