Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
