Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize