did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
