he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
