I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
