i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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