Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
