is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
