do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
