butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
