Umm I'm too high to move.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
