Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
