Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
