He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
