Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
