It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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