Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
