the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
