I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
