im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
