need another drink. this is the easiest way
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
