hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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