If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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