wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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