I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
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