Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
