gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
