There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
