How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
