So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
