Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize