listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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