Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
