I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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