it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
