College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
