I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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