you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
