His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
this is an emotional support booty call
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
