WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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