I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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