FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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