she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
