i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We left the knife in your bed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
