his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize