The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
