Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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